Raising Wild Hearts

Failure, Pivoting and the Power of The Pause

• Ryann Watkin

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In this episode, I'm reflecting on failure, the importance of embracing change, and the upcoming plans for the podcast!

Keywords failure, change, resilience, adaptability

Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Sunrise Sundays
01:53 Redefining Failure
06:12 Modeling Resilience and Adaptability
13:30 Embracing Change: The Power of the Pivot
15:24 Taking a Break: Reflecting and Planning for the Podcast

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Speaker 1:

Welcome, revolutionary Mama, to the Raising Wild Hearts podcast. I'm Ryan Watkin, educator, mom of three, rebel at heart and passionate soul on a mission to empower and inspire you. Here we'll explore psychology, spirituality, parenthood and the intersection where they all come together. We'll discover how challenges can be fertile soil for growth and the intersection where they all come together. We'll discover how challenges can be fertile soil for growth and that even in the messy middle of motherhood, we can find magic in the mundane. Join me on my own personal journey as I talk to experts and share resources on education, creativity, self-care, family culture and more. I believe we can change the world by starting at home, in our own minds and hearts, and that when we do, we'll be passing down the most important legacy there is healing, and so it is. Hello friends, welcome back to the Raising Wild Hearts podcast.

Speaker 1:

I am doing something a little bit different today. It's been a hot minute since I've been on here solo, but here I am just me and you chatting. So I'm really excited to break down a couple of things that have been on my mind and heart and then let you know what's going on for me for the rest of the summer. So today, as I'm recording this. It's the day before this will air, so it's Sunday afternoon and I'm in my little podcast recording corner of my house that I call my studio, which is just my desk, with my computer on it and my mic, and I am feeling super grateful and we just my family and I just went and watched the sunrise this morning. We call it Sunrise Sundays. We moved in December and so we're pretty close to the beach where we are now, and so we are trying every Sunday to get up and out and go look at the magnificent ocean and just watch the sunrise. And today we actually missed the sunrise, but we made it there pretty early, but not that early. So a few things were coming up for me as I was sitting on the beach watching my kids play and just kind of soaking in nature. First thing in the morning it was so sacred and I felt so grounded, with my feet in the sand and my heart just open, and the fresh air and the sun. It was just absolutely gorgeous. And so a few things came to mind that I wanted to talk to you guys about and just really some inspiration for you to take and cherish for the rest of your week. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

So the first thing that I want to talk about is failure, and I think we give failure a bad rap in our society. There's kind of a misconception that failure is bad, failure is wrong. If you're failing, then you're not doing something right. And here's what I've come to know to be true. When we are in a moment where we have I'm using quotes here failed, we have typically an emotional reaction to the feeling that we have. It could be shame, it could be shame, it could be frustration, it could be sadness. Right, and here's the kicker is that the emotional reaction that we're having when we're going through a hard time actually has zero to do with what's actually happening in our reality. Let me say that again the way that we're feeling about any certain situation that might be challenging or hard in our lives does not dictate or define the actuality, the reality of what we're going through or what we've learned or how we are handling it. It's like completely unrelated and honestly, that's kind of with like everything in our lives.

Speaker 1:

A really really good and relevant example for me right now is my toddler is in full-blown toddler meltdown mode when he's not able to communicate his thoughts and his needs immediately and he just goes straight to meltdown mode. And, mama, I have a choice Do I go into meltdown mode with him or do I stay grounded, stand in my personal power and observe him going through a challenge? It's 50-50 depending on the day and depending on how hungry or thirsty or tired I am right, I know, you all know what I'm talking about. And so the choice that I have in that moment is to if and when. It's one of those moments where I get frustrated and I just don't have the capacity to hold the space, because I've been holding the space all flipping day just because I might be frustrated or exasperated with watching him fall to the ground for the upteenth time of the afternoon. It literally has nothing to do with actually what's going on. It's only that I do not have enough capacity or space in my own being to hold the space for him, and so I'm making his meltdown mean something, and something quote unquote negative, because I'm making it a bad thing. I don't have the time for this. I have to cook dinner now. I am so touched out, I am so out of compassion for the day and I'm telling myself this story, right.

Speaker 1:

So when we are in any emotional state where we're telling ourself a story and we're having all these thoughts go on and we're going down this rabbit hole about what's hard and what's bad. It doesn't actually reflect reality, got it? This is a super helpful thing for me, because it takes the emotional component out of it. It takes the pressure out of it. It also like we just don't have to judge when we're going through a hard time. We can just let it be what it is. Do we need to solve problems in the day? Sure, do we need to figure out how to have more space in our day? I know I do, right. So there's these like logical things that we need to figure out and logistics that need to be arranged, but we don't need to make our emotions rule our day.

Speaker 1:

I love talking about emotions. I love talking about the nuances of how we're feeling, why we're feeling a certain way, and yet I can get a little caught up in the feelings, and so it's a really good reminder for me also to be sharing this with you guys that we don't have to constantly be in our minds. Why am I feeling this way? What's going on? La, la, la, la la. It can just be. Let it come and let it go.

Speaker 1:

So back to failure. We make failure mean something In particular. A great example for most of us is in school when we received a grade that was you know you're probably. It's probably different in everybody's family, but let's say a C or below, what did that mean in your family when you came home with a report card with a less than satisfactory grade on it? How was that received in your household? How was it received when you got a bad grade on a test or a quiz? How was it received when you screwed up for the umpteenth time on something that you've been trying to do right? And so we pick up these habits really that's all they are of our caregivers and our teachers and the people around us and the people in our village and community, of what it means when we don't produce a certain expected outcome. Okay Now, speaking of that, all failure is is a social construct of a job not well done or a goal perhaps that wasn't met.

Speaker 1:

And before hopping on to record with you guys, I did a little bit of research and, interestingly enough, on Wikipedia, one of the first things it says and I'm paraphrasing here was that it was a socially constructed concept failure. And I thought, well, isn't that hilarious? Because it's true, right? And there's also a spectrum Something that might be success to someone could be failure to someone else, right? So I thought that was really interesting and something for us to not necessarily answer or define, but kind of ponder in our own lives when am I feeling like I'm failing, where is that coming from and how can I perhaps have a little more spaciousness around it to not make it mean something terrible, something hard, something sad, etc. My most relevant example right now is, as you've heard, I think, a couple episodes I shared, I am sending my big kiddos to school this year for the first time, like ever, basically, school this year for the first time, like ever, basically.

Speaker 1:

And I had some work to do around this for myself and it had nothing to do with them, it was all me, it was. I didn't. This was the script playing in my mind. I didn't or couldn't hack it.

Speaker 1:

As a homeschool parent, I just didn't do a good enough job, I this, I that, and looking back and the regret and the stories about everything that went on, and well, it's, and listen, it's been a long summer. We are like we've got the endless summer over here, like not in a good way. At this point. I'm so ready for summer to be over and we are on the brink of school starting this coming week, so yay for me. In our house, um, they ended their co-op in the end of april and so literally we've had pretty much like a four-month Summer. So it was very long, very extended.

Speaker 1:

I felt, um, kind of like we were all well me, kind of like I was like flailing. We didn't have a certain community, we had just moved, and so lots of different things were going on. So I had a lot of time basically to grapple with this decision that I made and this feeling that kept coming up of if I had to pinpoint it, it would be some sort of like shame type thing and some sort of comparison to how come I couldn't do it like so-and-so amazing mom with three, four, five kids at the co-op we went to how come I'm not made to gracefully walk through this challenge right? And so I kept having these scripts in my mind which would produce this feeling of shame or comparison, judgment, that, and it just wasn't serving me. And so, at the end of the day, the story has become I chose to put our kids in school this year because it was what was best for me and honestly, I really kind of took them out of the deciding factor because they were happy, thriving and doing great where they were.

Speaker 1:

So this is just like to get you to start to think about failure for ourselves and then also for our kids. Like, how are we modeling? Are we modeling when we're playing family games or when we're having challenges? How are we modeling our response to what's going on in our lives? Our kids are watching us all. The time when my oldest daughter was about probably five months old, she was doing tummy time on my bed in the condo that we lived at at the time and I was in the bathroom and I was kind of like playing around with makeup and like putting on mascara. I just felt like so off and so not myself and I was like let me just put on some makeup to like see if I can fake it till I make it in this motherhood thing. Because, hot damn, this is hard. And I remember so distinctly kind of glancing over and seeing her big, wide, curious, beautiful brown eyes just looking at me so intensely and I had this recognition in that moment of like oh shit, she's watching my every move, and that was true then and it's been true every second since then.

Speaker 1:

So, as many of us most of us know, our kids don't do what we say. They do what we do. If we want them to do something, if we want them to embody a value, if we want them to act with grace and compassion, kindness and humility and self-love, and all these different things that we may have in mind for our children to grow into, we have to embody those qualities ourselves. How are we dealing with failure? How are we walking through the challenges that inevitably come up in our lives In reality?

Speaker 1:

Did I learn a ton from homeschooling my kids for the past like three or four years? Yes, I did. Did I learn about them? Yes, did I learn about myself? Oh hell yes. Did I learn some of my strengths and my them? Yes, did I learn about myself? Oh hell yes. Did I learn some of my strengths and my weaknesses? Yes, so, while perhaps on paper it could, to some or to me, I'm my own hardest critic, my own worst critic could look like failure on the outside or on paper. Failure on the outside or on paper, and yet I'm choosing to flip the story to. I chose to homeschool my children for a number of years and now I'm choosing to put them in school, and I learned from that. So, to summarize, I love the quote from Marie Forleo. She said you win or you learn. So there's no win or lose, it's win or learn.

Speaker 1:

Which brings me to the pivot, and I'll just briefly say, like I am the pivot queen, I changed midwives three times when I was pregnant with our oldest daughter. If something is not working, I will jump ship very, very quickly, and I think there is tremendous value in being able to be adaptable and pivoting slowly, quickly, you know. Even just a very small change daily is what I'm trying to say. I can't, the word is escaping me. I am sleepless for like a billion years at this point. So, yeah, so right.

Speaker 1:

When we are pivoting, when we are changing our minds which, by the way, we get to do, it's one of the things I love modeling, especially for my two older daughters. I love modeling. Well, I just I changed my mind and sometimes they'll go. Well, I just changed my mind and I'm like damn right, sister, you can reserve the right to change your mind. And so the pivot makes us adaptable, makes us flexible, makes us able to deal with what life brings us in a graceful fashion, and so I'm a big fan of the pivot. It's related to failure, because when we fail we learn. When we learn, we get to change course. Enter the pivot All right. Course. Enter the pivot all right.

Speaker 1:

So, yes, the next thing I want to chat about is the podcast I will be taking after just like a super um, really really busy um season of the summer in our lives. We've been traveling off and on, we've been been bouncing here and there, the kids have been doing different camps. We've just kind of been all over the place, like I mentioned, the me not feeling tethered to one thing and kind of flailing out there. I really love structure and I really love routine and rhythm and consistency. So I have been taking the weekends where I can to interview the amazing people that you guys have heard on the podcast. I know that so many of you are showing up and listening to these interviews week after week, so I know how much you're loving them. I'm loving them too. The conversations have been absolutely phenomenal. So, yes, I've been taking the weekends to really focus on the podcast Absolutely phenomenal.

Speaker 1:

So, yes, I've been taking the weekends to really focus on the podcast, to pour into these interviews, to pour into you and to pour into this community at Raising Wild Hearts, and I intend to continue doing so. However, I'm taking a two-week pause, which just feels really good and this has come up before, and so I'll say it again because it's good for me to have the reminder, and if I need the reminder, then perhaps you do too. I had a. My first instinct was like oh, just, you know, push through, just keep on going. And I thought I don't want to do that. It doesn't feel right.

Speaker 1:

And so I, in honor of me slowing down, being able to really go within and decide how I want this podcast to continue to unfold, decide who I want to talk about, decide what topics that I want to bring to you all I just needed a little bit of a break to do that, and so you guys will be on my mind and heart for the next couple weeks while I'm behind the scenes working on a new trailer. The trailer is the number one most downloaded episode. I think that's because when new folks come along, they like to, you know, hop on there and be like what is this podcast all about? And so I'm getting ready to revamp that in a way that portrays exactly what we're talking about here and you know some of the different topics that come up and the heartbeat of the show and the through line. And so I'm really doing kind of this like mind map organization, kind of creative work behind the scenes, and I needed a couple weeks, as we step into our new rhythm of our new school year, to really figure out how it's going to flow when I'm going to start recording my podcast, because I'm not going to be doing it on the weekends anymore, like I did in the summer, and I did that just out of pure necessity because I was with everybody all day long, aside from some camp weeks that the big kids had. But so, yeah, so I'm changing routine, I'm changing rhythm and I'm taking a pause and I'm taking a little step back, but just know that I am working in a flow state behind the scenes to bring you guys some new and amazing content and interviews. So I would love to hear from you all.

Speaker 1:

Hit me up on Instagram I'm not posting on there too much, all right now, but I've said this before and I didn't do it yet. But I'm not posting on there too much all right now, but I've said this before and I didn't do it yet but I will be posting on there in the future, especially as I start to get into this new rhythm and the new routine. So, yeah, hit me up on Instagram if there's any topics that you're like. Oh my god, ryan should totally interview this person, or I totally want to hear her talk to an expert on this or that or whatever, because one of the things that I am aiming to do is to bring on people who I am seeking out, so really understanding, like in my mind and heart, what I want to learn about, who I want to talk to and find those experts and authors and people to bring to you guys and authors and people to bring to you guys. My goal is to really have these conversations be filled with compassion and connection and just really like authenticity. I just want to come to you like in the realist version of me, and I want to come to the people that I'm talking to in the realist version and ask like the most thoughtful questions and really just be in this flow state with this podcast. It's I've said this before one of my most favorite things to do right now and it's going to continue that way for maybe ever, who knows. So, yeah, that's what I will be doing the next couple weeks. I will be back September Let me look at the calendar, because now I don't have the date off the top of my head I will be back, yes, september 9th with a brand new episode, Monday, september 9th.

Speaker 1:

So the next two weeks will be off. Maybe I'll put a replay on there those two weeks, I don't know. Let me play around with that idea. But if you don't see any new episodes, drop. That's why. And then I'll definitely be back on the 9th with an amazing interview.

Speaker 1:

I already have a couple set up, and so there are some great conversations heading your way. Hit me up on Instagram, follow me there at Raising Wild Hearts, and, yeah, let's get this community engaged and let's chat and let's make it a conversation. I would love to have some feedback. Eventually, this is kind of a mid to long term plan. I would love to create a Raising Wild Hearts community where we are in kind of a circle of sisters and we're learning together and we're sharing together and we're making a sacred space for our personal, professional and really spiritual growth. So those are some ideas I have for kind of the long term.

Speaker 1:

Right now, my focus is just bringing you guys amazing, authentic, real and interesting conversations that are relevant to your life. All right, so that's all I've got for you. I cannot wait to be back on the mic with you all. I will talk to you on Monday, september 9th, when I drop the new episode. Until then, I hope you have an amazing rest of the month of August and I hope you're getting into some sort of like on the brink of fall routine. If that's what's calling to you, I know it's what's calling to me, and so I'm really feeling hopeful about this next season in my personal life and then also with you guys in the podcast. So I will be back soon. Have an amazing two weeks, All right, bye.