Raising Wild Hearts
An inspirational show focused on growth from challenge and ideas to take the path less traveled. Ryann Watkin interviews experts and shares resources on education, creativity, nature, spirituality, mental health, relationships, self care, and more. Ryann is a passionate speaker, mom, wife, and educator who asks questions that provoke self-awareness, meaning, and purpose. Psychology, spirituality, family— and where they all intersect— is the heartbeat of Raising Wild Hearts.
Raising Wild Hearts
Facilitating Language Development with Marci Melzer
Today we're discovering, alongside "old school" Speech Language Pathologist Marci Melzer, that intuition and facilitation as a parent are your greatest strengths. Marci is Founder of wavesofcommunication.com and Author of "If It Isn't Fun It Isn't Fun". We talk about overuse of technology in babies and toddlers, virtual autism, systematic issues in childhood development and how parents are best equipped to facilitate their children's development.
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And even if that video is another child playing or a Miss Rachel who's talking to the child or whatever, it's not the same as that facilitator role, right, the one who is with the child and seeing what they love, signing them up for things, inviting them to do things, then watching if they love it or not, and facilitating that development.
Speaker 2:Welcome, revolutionary Mama, to the raising Wild Hearts podcast. I'm Ryan Watkin, educator, mom of three, revel at heart and passionate soul, on a mission to empower and inspire you.
Speaker 2:Here we'll explore psychology, spirituality, parenthood and the intersection where they all come together. We'll discover how challenges can be fertile soil for growth and that even in the messy middle of motherhood, we can find magic in the mundane. Join me on my own personal journey as I talk to experts and share resources on education, creativity, self-care, family, culture and more. I believe we can change the world by starting at home, in our own minds and hearts, and that when we do, we'll be passing down the most important legacy there is healing, and so it is. Hi, friends, welcome back to the raising Wild Hearts podcast. I'm here today with another amazing interview which I'm really excited to share with you. Today I'm talking to Marcy Melzer. Marcy is an intuitive speech language pathologist and functional language facilitation coach and consultant based in Palmetto, florida. I met Marcy at PodFest and we had a wonderful conversation and immediately I invited her to be on the podcast. She is an author, a speaker and a nonstop social media advocate for the idea that parents are the best facilitators of their child's developmental experience, and so she specifically talks a lot about language development. I find it really fascinating how children's language does naturally develop and progress, and something that she has realized since COVID is misdiagnosis and something called virtual autism. And the reason that so many kids are getting misdiagnosed, marcy has found, is because of the skyrocketing in tech use so iPads, tv, iphones, all the things and so she's finding that many of these kids who seem like they are portraying symptoms of autism have really just never learned how to, or been properly facilitated on how to develop language. I say a couple of different times in this episode that I believe that Marcy is really courageous talking about this, and the reason that I say that is because I think we have systematic approaches, especially to childhood developmental issues like autism, and those systematic approaches are really just the most sought after and maybe the most known and accepted ways to get your child help. If you're someone who has a child who is a late talker or was a late talker, you might know the feeling of dread or worry that comes with that and insert anything here that might be going wrong or different with your child. We have a tendency to worry as parents and sometimes the immediate solution feels like getting into a system, and Marcy and I talk a lot about that in the podcast and when we refer to that, that's what we're referring to. This seemingly one size fits all approach that is really rampant in society right now with education, with healthcare and with childhood developmental issues, and Marcy went from working in this system to now coaching parents and helping them facilitate their child's development, specifically with language. So we touch on that in the episode. We also talk about having fun as parents. We talk about connecting with our kids.
Speaker 2:I hope you guys enjoyed this episode as much as I did. Let's dive in. Marcy, welcome to the Raising Wild Hearts podcast. I am so happy you're here. We met at Podfest. I could have talked to you all day, but we had sessions and keynotes and all the things that we had to keep up on, so we had to part ways. I was helping out with a booth there and so there's a lot going on. But instantly when I started talking to you 30 seconds in, I'm like, oh my gosh, will you please be on my podcast? Like, first of all, so yay for Podfest, yay for the connections we made there and thank you for being so genuine, authentic and brave, because I think what we're going to talk about today is a little bit different than what people are used to. It's a little bit of the road less traveled which I always use that metaphor, and so it's not an easy journey. So thank you for being you first of all.
Speaker 1:And thank you for having me here, because this is a place where parents get empowered or get emotional, because, you know, it's tough being a mom, a dad, a parent, in a world where there's a lot going on, there's a lot to choose from and there's a lot of problems that everybody's family is doing it different, and it's just really, you know, exciting to see and connect with other people who are talking to parents about what they can do and what they can do, and it's not as hard as you think to solve some of these really big issues right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's one of the through lines here. Is this like empowerment, like knowing that we, as parents, have the keys to the life that we want our family to live? We have choices, even though the like, the system and systems make it seem like we don't, and so my call, always regardless of the topic, is like you have a choice, you can choose what your family culture is. You can choose for your fourth grader to not get a phone even though the 22 other fourth graders in their class are getting a phone. You can choose, and it goes. The list goes on and on and on.
Speaker 1:Right, it starts at the beginning. You can choose what your kids eat, you can choose when they sleep, you can choose where they go to school and you can choose your influence right. I think that's our biggest choice these days is there is so much influence and my platform. I talk to parents of kids that aren't talking well yet. You can call it speech delay, you can call it late talking, you can call it whatever, but the problem is these kids are using behavior to communicate, because they are communicating but it's not language that everybody can understand and they're being judged because they're not using speech that everybody can understand.
Speaker 1:And you know that whole everybody who is a little different is suddenly, especially in the systems, impaired. Because that's our systems, our sick care systems, our special education systems. Like you've got to have something wrong with you to get help, not just realize the different kids learn differently and especially, let's talk about their experience, right, because kids of today that was my big pod fest. You know tagline to get into. You know other people's ideas about how impactful parents are. We felt like we didn't have a choice during the pandemic. Technology was the replacement for social experiences that were normalized in kids lives. You know now you had to shop online. You couldn't even take your kid to the grocery store. Yeah, entertainment was all online. If it wasn't already starting to be now, it definitely was you know, and accessible on demand in your home whenever you want it.
Speaker 1:You didn't even have to wait till Saturday morning to see your favorite show. And the culture changed as a result of this lack of choices and new norms came in. But I think you know what parents were. I think I try to empower parents about is that these days you do have a choice and so, as a result of these loss of experiences, parents are finding themselves in a pickle right in a lot of different ways. In a lot of different ways, their kids are not social because they were home and maybe you have only one in your home, you don't have siblings even for that child to hang out with and they were only exposed to adults, and maybe those adults were stressed, yeah Right, so all they were exposed to was stressed out adults and or their device, which was Cocoa, melon or Bluey or whoever you know, tic Tac, you know whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so okay, my kids have always been early talkers and I'm not like saying that to be like yay me, you know, part of it's like genetics and part of it is the choices that we've made, and like those choices were in place, like long before 2020, like they just were.
Speaker 1:How old are your kids? How old are you?
Speaker 2:They're two, seven and nine.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you've got. You already had pre-pandemic, you already had talkers and interactors and social kids that had been out in the world already in your house for when your baby was born and you already had a little social. So there is just one component that a lot of parents couldn't or didn't or what for whatever reason, it didn't happen in their lives. So there's just one impact there, right there, and just want to say so it's, it's, it's happened to a lot of families, a lot of families, a lot. It was a make it or break it. I'm going to say for families, because in families like yours, because you had a little system going at home, it was probably a lot of cool things happened for your family during the pandemic. You're a little bubble, right. At least that that's right and and so I think a lot of parents did focus on that, the ones who could, the ones who could, the ones who could, and that is a real thing is that sometimes it feels like there may not be a choice.
Speaker 2:When I was pregnant with our first daughter, I said I don't care what salary my husband's making, I don't care what our family income is. Over my dead body Will I be sending my child to daycare? And that was just a choice for me, and I get why parents send their kids and I get why parents don't. Some people need two incomes, some people and, and, but it was just really strong in my being and so, yeah, we did have a little thing going 2020. Definitely like pushed us over the ledge of like considering homeschooling. I was like, ooh, do I really want to do this? And 2020 made the decision really really easy for me.
Speaker 1:Right, make it or break it yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right. And then I was pregnant with my, my third child, who was a son, and he was born late in 2021. And so, you know, we we did, we had a system, we were homeschooling. He was born into a social environment and so I've never had to go like, huh, my kids aren't talking and all the other kids are. What's going on here? But for someone who is maybe a new parent and maybe their kid isn't hitting the milestones, like, what does that look like when a parent goes, huh, my kids not talking. Now what? Like, what do I do? What's the traditional? Yeah?
Speaker 1:And that's a really, that's a really good sort of segue into sort of how it happens for parents that they come to the realization, right, that their little one is actually speech delayed, late, talking, whatever you want to call it. So usually it's a social experience because, see, the reality is just like in your family, the, the little ones, start communicating with you, even like before they're born, and as soon as they come into the world, as a mom, you just know, right, what they want, what they need, what they're doing. And again in your bubble, in your pandemic bubble, if you decide to decide to dig in and be the one to be their primary icon facilitators, right, because parents are facilitating development. You're not making your kid develop. You can't program them into something you want them to be. You're facilitating their development, you know, in their own way, in their own self, in their own vision, right, whatever it is. And that's what we want, right Is for our kids to be developing on their own, and we sign them up for schools and coaching things and, you know, sports teams and stuff, so that they can get influence. Right, so they can decide if they want to be, and we, as parents, again have choices of that influence, and so that's really where it starts, is where you can.
Speaker 1:If you can't give the influence yourself, right, and you have to make a choice for something else, this is what happens. That causes the late talker. At some point a parent has to give it away their time of teaching, of nurturing, of facilitating, because they have to work or they have to parent, or they're sick or they've got to, they've got a spouse that isn't supportive, or they don't have a spouse, you know, or whatever right. So at some point that detachment happens where the child goes to find influence somewhere else, and that influence, if it is a two-dimensional experience, it's not gonna give them what they need to learn the social language and all that. And even if it is a person and maybe they're speaking a different language because you've got a nanny that speaks a different language, or you're living in a country where the daycare they speak a different language, or maybe your child can't hear very well because they've got ear infections for some reason like if that detachment happens where it's not the mom influencing and guessing and guiding and understanding, but they got away from that job.
Speaker 2:When you say two-dimensional, do you mean like an iPad, a phone, a TV? That's what I mean.
Speaker 1:A TV device, a video right, because what they're replacing it with, that's the go-to. And even if that video is another child playing or a miss Rachel who's talking to the child or whatever, it's not the same as that facilitator role, right? The one who is with the child and seeing what they love, signing them up for things, inviting them to do things, then watching if they love it or not, and facilitating that development and saying, well, this was a fail, we're not doing this again. Or, oh, they loved this, we're signing up. That's what a facilitator does for a child's development.
Speaker 1:And when that facilitation, that influence, is given away to a device, a nanny, a daycare, anything, and the parent isn't aware of what that influence is influencing, right, they're not still connected because they have to give it away. You can't 24 seven, even if you have a partner or spouse. You give it away. They influence some things. You influence other things because you can't teach everything, but you do have a choice of what that influence is right. And so that's what's happening now is parents gave it away to things that didn't get their kids developing and now they're out in the world and they're not developed. And the parent, because they have lost that role as facilitator. They think they've got to give it away to an expert, because the experts they take their child who's now delayed? They're not talking very well, they're not social because the parent didn't facilitate it.
Speaker 1:They were on their own, learning on their own. Whatever they learned, even if it wasn't videos, if it was just them playing by themselves in the dirt or even just listening to brothers and sisters. They're not the same kind of influence as a coach or a mom or a parent or a daycare provider or a nanny or somebody who's. And that was really the diversion. When I was at podcast right, we talked to other parenting influencers who were homeschool ones or nanny ones or whatever, and they're like this idea of kids late talking because they were listening, that's a foreign concept in our household, because they made the decisions like you from the get go to do it. But there are so, so many families that didn't and there's pressure, right, as soon as you take your child out into public and other people start judging them. So you take them to the birthday party and they're the one that's covering their ears when everybody says happy birthday, or they're the one that's leaving the party and doesn't wanna play with the other kids, or they're the one that gets aggressive?
Speaker 1:or they're the one that is showing some behavior that makes them look quote unquote. I'm doing my air quotes here different and then when you're different now there's something wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So now you have to get labeled with something and put into some therapy of something with some expert in something, and then now remember that original facilitation of the mom facilitating kit.
Speaker 2:now they're giving it away to somebody who only sees them once a week for 20 minutes and it's also really isolating to be extricated from a birthday party or a community group because your kid might have I'm doing air quotes now more of behavior problem. You're humiliating, trust me not just isolating.
Speaker 1:It is demoralizing for these kids Because they're kids. These children are smart, they are manipulative, they've been used to controlling because, remember, when you give up your structure of your, I'm facilitating your everyday experience. The child's gotta pick it up and they're structuring and they're manipulating and they're working around their parents and they're figuring out where they hide things and unlocking those locks. And they're super, super smart. But without guidance and facilitation, the influence goes where they take it. The child is choosing instead of the parents.
Speaker 2:I talked to someone recently, in the last 24 hours. It was a person who was helping me purchase something and he says he has a two year old, it's his first child. And he goes oh man, he's crazy. And I said, oh, tell me more. Oh, climbing on tables, da, da, da, da, da, I go. I wanna tell you something Like I got a little like preachy, I go, listen, that's developmentally appropriate. And I wanna tell you something that's a good thing, that your son, who's two years old, is climbing on tables, that's a good thing. And he was like what? And it's just interesting how to like reframe it in that like this developmentally appropriate milestones that our kids need to hit climbing, jumping, running, playing, swinging their arms, spinning around until they're dizzy.
Speaker 1:Is that right? Yeah, instead of talking to an expert about why is my kid climbing on tables, you really reconnect with your child and let them. This child is telling you I need experiences. Yeah, at this time I need to crush things, I need to smash things, I need to see things splat and dump and explore, because I'm that kind of explorer. Or a little girl who's playing with the little things and tearing paper into a million pieces and making snow in the house. They're telling you that they got that idea somewhere. Right, where was it?
Speaker 1:If you don't know why your child is climbing, they didn't get the influence from you, they got it from somewhere else or they came up with their own intelligent mind, you know creative mind. And they're telling you this is what I need. It's, I call it functional, with a capital. Fun functional learning Because, again, without a structured program, now we're gonna go do this and now we're gonna go brush our teeth, and now we're gonna go water the plants, and now we're gonna go grocery shopping. Oh no, we can't make breakfast because we don't have milk. I mean, this everyday functional learning is how your children learn language. It's how they learn social skills. It's how they learn to be kind to other people. It's how they learn to deal with when other people are unkind to them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay. So here's what's coming up for me. I wanna circle back around to FUN, because that's something that I think we forget as parents is the FUN. So I wanna put a pin in that and I wanna say the system oh, yes, your book. If it isn't fun, it isn't fun.
Speaker 2:Yes, teach your child to talk fast. Yes, we're gonna put links to all your books and all your amazing content, because you have so many videos and you have such a giant resource library, so we're gonna link to all that too. So I want to talk about fun, for sure, and also what comes up for me, like as a parent who has multiple plates spinning in the air, who has a relationship with my husband, who has her own personal interest, who has multiple relationships, who has bills to pay, jobs to do, that dishes, all the grown up things that we do I understand why we outsource this, like babysitting. I understand why we outsource to the technology devices. And I was the mom when I was pregnant with my daughter nine years ago, that I said my kids will never watch TV. And I tell you my kids do watch TV every. You know, not even every once in a while, consistently, on a weekly basis. It's not absurd, but it's reality.
Speaker 1:I mean it's not the world is created. I mean we just went to a social conference that was completely driven through this application they gave us. I mean it was a really good application and it helped us connect with each other, but it was device driven. We all had our phones, we were all. It's not gonna go away, but remember, it was functional. That application was functional because we could share pictures, we could make meetings. We could make meetings, we could send notes to each other. It was easy to connect and that's why we were there. So when something works for what it's supposed to work for and the intention right is behind it, like I want to do this thing and the technology helps, and I think this is just where parents have to find a balance, because we'll always be using technology. But again, when you teach it together with your child, it's all about doing it together. When you watch television at your house, you know the content your kids are watching, you watch it alongside of them and you have discussions about it afterwards, right?
Speaker 2:That's right we do. Sometimes we have discussions during which is starting to drive my older to a little bonkers mom, Will you just let us watch? Because I'm going why did that person do that? Some movies that we've never seen before, that we'll watch together for the first time. And I'm going what is this? This is not children's content, the children's movies. I'm going this is not appropriate. So I'm sparking those discussions during and it has to be done.
Speaker 1:So important because you're on it. You're a functional TV watcher, right? You're not just going to leave it on for it to have blind influence on your child. You're going to make sure that you are in control of that influence and you're never going to avoid the content that's in these kids movies. Like you said, they sneak it in there, it's in there and the whatever. But you know, as a mom, that your kids are processing that. You know that they understand that they can handle it, that they can use it functionally in their future, because they'll see it again and you don't want them to be shocked in an awe and fearful of it. You want them to understand it, process it and deal with it. I'll take it or leave it, because this is our world, especially going forward. It's so crazy Again it's. There are so many choices. Yeah, it's almost scary, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well. So I see I see why parents give up the role because it's all. It's a lot of work. I mean, it's a lot of like presence, it's a lot of. You have to be educated, you have to do research, you have to be rested. For God's sake, I mean, you have to like. It's just very simple. So I see why I walk around the grocery store and 80% of the children are in their parents' phone or on their own device even. I see it, because when you're in the grocery store and you're shopping for tomatoes and there you know you have 35 minutes left and your kids having a meltdown, you like you have to be there to buy food. And also the judgment piece that you mentioned earlier of people looking at you because your kid might be having a challenging emotion God forbid. And so there's this like multi-layered thing of why we do it. And I see why we do it, yes, so like you know how it's easy to fall into the habit.
Speaker 1:That's why there is no judgment here. Number one no judgment for any parent who has used this. Back in the day. It was television. We had television babysitters and we all used them, and I was a single mom so I know that my children had television influence. I just did my best to know what it was, but I know they had probably more than I wanted.
Speaker 1:But this is how you do right. Every family is unique. These were talking about choices and you made choices for the reasons that you made them and you can't compare yourself to another mom or another situation. And this is what the society, what the social media and everybody wants to do. And the first thing you know, if you're going to watch on my videos, waves of Communication, you're going to see me equipping and empowering you. I can give parents super easy ways to do the day you're doing now to make sure you are managing all the things you have to manage and make sure, at the same time, your child is facilitated, your child's included in the process, and as much as it is easy to just give your child the phone and do whatever you have to choose, you do A few things every day that you will dig in and shift and take the hard way and include your child for that laundry, include your child for that meal prep, include your child for that grocery store trip, as long as it takes. Every tomato choice is included, with the child, every cereal, every navigation down the thing, when you, from the time you're driving in the car to the grocery store, the conversation is about the grocery trip and then through that is your facilitation and you're getting your groceries and your child is learning and at the end, people are looking at you as this mom who is the whoa. She never stops talking to her child. Now, you cannot do it 24 seven, but you can pick four things in your day and what happens? This is what's cool about this process. When you do and you see how powerful you are. When you shift just a few activities in your day now, your habits will change and you'll stop going to the phone as your solution because you have proven to yourself how powerful you are. You didn't have to watch a video and do it. You have to go and try it. That's why I give parents strategies like that. Just try it this week.
Speaker 1:One thing in your day that you choose to not do not to give away to either a nanny a phone or, you know, your partner or whatever. This one thing, from preparation to execution, to clean up. Even I'm gonna include my child. So bath time instead of letting them watch TV till the bathtub is full, you have them pick their pajamas, you have them test the water and turn the knobs and use their muscles to turn the knobs and put their toys in. And then, if there's water on the floor or weather in the bath, what are they washing? Why is it dirty? Where did it get dirty? Where did those feet get mud on them? How did your then, smush of paint, get on your elbow? Tell the stories of how you got dirty and then talk about what you gotta do to scrub that stuff off of there and rinse it all off and put the toys away and clean up the water and put the towels away.
Speaker 1:All the language you will be using. It comes to you naturally. You don't have to study that right. You know that, and this is language your child needs to just hear you using, without any expectations or prompting of what's this, what's this? You don't need to ask any questions because you know the answers to this. You're like a YouTube video, right, you're the dental. Only it's interactive because you're there and you're saying, oh, you like this water. It's your bath. Do you want it hotter or colder? This is how you make it hotter. This is how you make it colder. So it's just really. I know it seems like it's simple and basic and whatever, but I know that this is what parents are out of the habit of doing. If you're giving your kid the TV or just even trying to keep them busy in the other room while you're doing this prep work, that's your chance.
Speaker 2:That's the one. My big one is when I cook or when I meal prep. It's, it'll okay. I'm turning the TV on so I can cook some food and all three of my children want to be in there chopping and spreading and cleaning and wiping, and I know they want to be in there and I'm just like mama needs a minute just to like get this done.
Speaker 1:You know there are things. So remember, if it isn't fun, it isn't fun is also for the mom Because, remember, if you are not enjoying your day from beginning to end, you are giving literally the food out of your mouth, the energy out of your sleep, the you aren't clean because your kids are clean. If you're giving that up, you're not happy, you're not thriving and you, your children, are looking at you as the example of who they want to be. So you have to have fun and enjoy this thing. So if cooking is your thing, then you keep it.
Speaker 1:Mama, I'm giving you permission, just like if you're taking your kid already, like maybe you're already in the process of this, and you're taking your kid to a therapist and the therapist makes you feel bad about yourself because they say things about your kid or you, or they make your kid cry. Because these are kind of some of the horror stories that I hear that are out there because parents don't know what to do, they're exhausted because they're trying to do it all. They're not functional, they're trying to be therapists and moms and evaluators. And ASD, autism you know, is my kid autistic, are they not? This one's telling me. They're all stuck in the worry and fear and they just get out of the functional connection and nice teaching. That makes you feel good. Because when you facilitate, nothing makes you feel better than you facilitating your child. And they do it. They didn't couldn't do before and now they did it and you set that up. That's the best feeling in the world, right.
Speaker 2:Oh, I have goosebumps and tears in my eyes because that was just. It's what it's all about, and I have so many. I have a billion things I wanna ask. We'll have to do it again too. We've got a little bit more time, so I wanna ask I love that you talk about fun first of all, and we need to be joyous. If our experience is joyous and our kids are gonna learn how to, you know, embody their joy too. That's something that I am every day, minute by minute, sometimes working on. Am I enjoying this process or am I just trying to get from like here to there, to there to there? So in my mind, about like the next thing, right, and we are, we have a tendency to do that, but so, bringing that joy, yes, rooting into that joy. And then also, you know, I think about a baby. I think about a baby and, in your opinion, does this start?
Speaker 1:I mean, you mentioned baby in the mama's womb, but does this start immediately like newborn, yeah, Right that you're, as soon as you are given this beautiful soul to care for for the rest of your life, your responsibility is to facilitate that soul's growth and development to be their best human human right. That's it and whatever that is, with the resources that God gave you, with the facility that you have in your surroundings, the environments that you have, the community that you choose to surround yourself with. Right, this is what we're given. Nobody's given a child. You can't handle Nobody. That's how this works and I know that our society. This is why the choice comes in right, because they take away, they use fear-based things to take away your joy. Because you're not gonna spend money and hire a therapist or expert unless you're stuck in some. If you feel equipped and empowered and accepting of your child's beautiful soul, the way they are and their projectory of development is unique to them and does not have to conform to any system anywhere. Even in your own family, you could have two different children on different trajectories, okay, and they got the same parents. But your job as facilitator again, if you're given two very different children, you are given the unique parental gift to know each one of them so intimately that no expert could ever know them as well as you do. And so everything I teach parents, it's not a standard. You come up with this plan of how your child develops. I can guide you to be happy every single day with every single thing your child is doing, because you know you're guiding it, you're facilitating it, you're creating the opportunities and you are enriching and empowering and equipping your child with the knowledge, with the people.
Speaker 1:Because if you can't teach something, you're finding your village. You watch your kids to be successful at birthday parties because you haven't facilitated that so far. And now you know they're not successful at birthday parties. You've got somewhere to start, but you can't go and tell a therapist I want my kids to be better at birthday parties. They're gonna say, well, let's evaluate them and give them a label with something and put them into this standard therapy and start making them label pictures and stuff. And you're like, yeah, but when will he get successful at the birthday party? Right, he will get successful at the birthday party when you, as the parent, facilitate that. And if you don't know how, I can show you how.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right. We have a tendency to get trapped into a system and then we forget why we're there. We forget that the whole reason for seeking the help was that the kid was having a hard time integrating with the other kids at the birthday party. But then we get so far on this therapy behavioral path and this diagnosis obsession that now the birthday party, you don't even go to them. You don't even try to go to them, you just give it up, right?
Speaker 1:Exactly true. That is exactly, remember I told you, disempowering, demoralizing. These parents are home crying. You wouldn't believe the kind of testimonials that I have heard from people who are just literally being abused by people in the system. Because, remember, parents, it's a cross referring problem, because the parents who are stuck in this worry and fear are demanding that these experts fix their kids right. And the experts are saying, well, I'm an expert, I should be able to fix this kid. Something's obviously quote unquote wrong, when nothing is wrong except for that parents facilitator role and their constant connection and responsible control over their child's developmental experience Right, whether it's you doing it or somebody else, cause you can hire great, amazing nannies and homeschool people. If you can't do it, if you've got more money than time, if you've got more neighbors than partners in your home, if you've got siblings, if you've got, remember, the resources that you have in your life right now, you can do this right now. You don't need to wait and that's why every family is different, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:yeah, for sure. Oh, marcy, I love your message. I love the hope that you give parents. I love just your authentic, unique way of talking about this topic and I'm so excited for people to dive into your resources. We will definitely have to have another conversation. I want to, as we start to wrap up, ask you the three questions that I ask everybody at the end of the interview, and the first one is what's bringing you joy today?
Speaker 1:Meeting with you and reaching these parents. I get joy of any new person who hears this message and just maybe watches one of my videos or tries one of my little things. You've got a free Get Started Guide Anytime you take one little action based on something I said and, if there's chance, just one parent you're listening to. I am so grateful for that experience. I'm tearing up because I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2:I love it. I'm tearing up too. I can always use a good cry and it's like when I meet another crier I'm like let's cry together.
Speaker 1:Great, please, and no judgment again. I just I know parents are really struggling and you know what the other thing is. If it's not you, you know somebody, especially if you are a mom, and it didn't happen in your house. You're seeing it in the community and if you could share this, that would be my wish.
Speaker 2:No, yes, that is a great point of like. I don't have the issue of not wondering if my kid's gonna talk, or being in the system or stuck in the system. I don't have that issue, but I could think of a few people that do. And you know, if somebody asks for help, if somebody says hey in your community, what's going on. This is different, and you know the people that you trust and the people that are in your circle. This would be an amazing first step If this person doesn't want to get trapped in a system that's just a perpetual cycle of not solving the original problem. Said birthday party example.
Speaker 1:You don't even have to tell them which video to watch. Just send them to the channel. What's so great is everything's keyword, and if you have a problem, you're gonna find a video to solve that problem At least get you started.
Speaker 2:Amazing what, if anything, are you reading right now? Marcy, Do you have any?
Speaker 1:thoughts open. It's hard. I'm just really following. I know it's a little toxic, but I am trying to stay aware of global events. You know I respond to parents in systems that are breaking down and it's not just education and healthcare systems, it's all the systems around the world and I sort of feel like I need to pay attention. So I watch bits and pieces of things, but I'm an online reader. I'm not a very good reader. However, I'm an audio book listener and my favorite audio book genre and my free time is historical fiction, mysteries, so from like the 18th century England, Jack the Ripper times, kind of thing, because I love a story where somebody solves it. You know it's, you know justice is done, kind of thing. I always love to see that because I'm kind of fighting every day in my work life against injustice and I love to see experiences of justice being done, even if it's fiction.
Speaker 2:I love that. And then, who or what have you learned the most from Marcy Boy?
Speaker 1:in what area of my life? Yeah, golly, I have to say, youtube university. That's why I'm part of it. It's just a vast resource and outside of that, it would be my own intuition, because I've learned a lot from. I'm 58 and I've learned a lot from my life experiences. I haven't always made good choices not all of us have and I learned the most obviously from those experiences. So myself, Beautiful.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for learning through yourself and learning through YouTube university and passing this information along to parents, because I truly believe to go against the grain, the way that you're doing, and to talk about something that's not that commonly spoke about, I do believe it takes a tremendous amount of courage to stand in your two feet and share what you've learned, and I know you are just like a wealth of knowledge and have decades of experience. So, yay, which we didn't get into that much. But everybody go to Marcy's YouTube channel. You'll find everything there. We'll put the links to the books and the show notes, and I cannot wait to dive into all of that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my website, wavesofcommunicationcom, has tons of information. A free get started guide directs you to the videos you want, and the help that I offer is it's not down your throat. If you have an issue, I show you how to bring it to me so that you can get to the heart of what's going on and solve your problems and feel better and happy every single day. And because if it isn't fun, it isn't fun, and if it isn't fun, it isn't functional. And then progress stalls and everybody stays in worry, and we don't want that. We want everybody to enjoy every day.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:Thanks, marcy.