If you're a mom of daughters and have grappled with how to talk to your girls about bodies and body image, this one's for you. This episode is filled with questions to ponder as you navigate challenging conversations with your kids and the 2 must haves for ANY hard conversation!
If you feel inspired please consider sharing this episode with a friend, writing a 5⭐️ review or becoming a Raising Wild Hearts Member here!
If you're a mom of daughters and have grappled with how to talk to your girls about bodies and body image, this one's for you. This episode is filled with questions to ponder as you navigate challenging conversations with your kids and the 2 must haves for ANY hard conversation!
If you feel inspired please consider sharing this episode with a friend, writing a 5⭐️ review or becoming a Raising Wild Hearts Member here!
Hello friends, welcome back to the Raising Wild Hearts podcast. I am back today with another solo episode. Yay, it's so different after doing so many interviews. It's just so different jumping on the mic and just talking to you. It's not bad or good, it's just different than the interviews. So, hi, I'm back.
Speaker 1:I didn't expect to do another solo episode, but it's just the way that the calendar is working out right now, and please excuse my voice if it sounds a little different. I'm getting over a little cold thing or something. So, yeah, that's what's going on here, and it's been a while since I gave a book recommendation because I haven't been reading as voraciously as normal, but I'm actually back into it. So I'm on my third book in the last few weeks and I'm like, oh my gosh, I forgot how much I loved reading. But yeah, so I'm really like back in my rhythm and I'm reading an oldie, but a goodie, and one that I don't think I've ever recommended on the podcast. So I'm really excited to share this book recommendation with you. And then we're going to jump in to something that's just been coming into my awareness lately, which is how to talk to our girls about body image. So yeah, first let's talk about the book I'm reading.
Speaker 1:It's by Leo Buscaglia I don't know if it's Buscaglia Buscaglia anyway and it's called Living, loving and Learning. He has multiple books. I've read a few of his. I really really like this one. In the introductory chapter he talks about education in a way that is just. It's like, it's funny, it's heartfelt, it's just it's so special and I love his voice and I think this book was like published in the 80s. Even I can't find the. Yeah, this is a delightful collection of Dr Buscaglia's informative and amusing lectures, which were delivered worldwide between 1970 and 1981. This inspirational treasure is for all those eager to accept the challenge of life and to profit from the wonder of love. So that's like the little snippet in the beginning of the book. This book was a gift from my grandma on June 1st, which is my husband and I's anniversary in 2019. So, yeah, this is a really, really special book and I got a really big kick out of it. Last night I started to read it again and I remembered just how entertaining it is and I was going to read a quote to you guys. But because these are based off his lectures, I think they're all kind of like wordy and I'm not sure that I could deliver it in the wonderful way that it's written and that I hear it in my head, so I'm not going to share a quote. But anyway, dr Buscaglia's work is amazing. I highly recommend it. So if you're looking for a book, put that on your list for sure.
Speaker 1:Okay, so first on the list that I have to share with you guys, when I want to talk about talking to our girls about body image is just like the preface to this, which is really I don't have any answers, surprise, surprise. But I do have a few different things that make me think and make me wonder and make me feel curious, and just maybe some words to inspire you on how to bring up the conversation about body image, when to bring up the conversation about body image. And, yeah, so I come with lots of little tidbits to inspire you and make you think, but these aren't necessarily like Answers to your most pressing questions. This is just like a conversation between us and some insights that I've had as I've started to Process and reflect on multiple conversations I've had recently with With moms of girls. So here we go.
Speaker 1:The the body image thing was a thing right started for me as a kid and I Don't know if I was aware at the time I don't think I was. But in retrospect I look back and I think that culture in general is like steeped with all these messages in between the lines of what we should look like as girls and women, what we should Strive to be, what should make us feel good, etc, etc. Not to even like mention the whole consumerism part of it, which is, like you know, companies trying to sell us face cream and high heels and makeup, and Etc, Etc, etc. Right. So I remember it being, or, as I reflect on my childhood, I can reflect in like, wow, yeah, that was pretty steeped in culture of like this is the way Beauty looks, this is the way beauty feels.
Speaker 1:And when we get these messages from culture, it then fogs our ability To feel into our own minds and hearts of like, what is beauty to me? When do I feel beautiful? When do I feel nourished? When do I feel alive? When do I feel radiant? Because instead of feeling that inside of our own bodies and minds, then we're like looking outward again, and I mean the answer to everything really is looking internally, and that's not always easy and it's Really like it's just a habit that I've gotten into of like what is the answer inside me?
Speaker 1:So I've been reflecting internally about the topic of body image, especially as it relates to girls, our daughters. And the reason I've been reflecting on it is because I've had conversations with multiple mothers lately who have daughters between the ages of like six and ten, and they have said to me in one form or another something came up when my daughter made a comment about her body and I'm not quite sure what it meant, and the comments that the kids made were anywhere from like body comparison. So you know, my Belly is bigger than so-and-so's belly. Anywhere from that to like why don't, you know, want to be in a bathing suit because I don't want anyone to see my body.
Speaker 1:And the through line here, which I think is a really important point, is that nobody knew what the hell to say to these comments, including myself. When I'm talking to these moms and hearing these stories about these girls and the comments they're making about bodies and their bodies and bodies in general, it's like, oh my god, it's like it's shocking. Oh, to me and that's the impression that I got from these mothers too, they were surprised at the comments and they weren't necessarily prepared to have the conversation. Sometimes we don't know what to say. We don't know what the right thing to say is. Sometimes we're very surprised by the comments or things come out of left field, which many of these comments from these girls did. The mom wasn't expecting it, the comment happened and there was no speech prepared.
Speaker 1:One of the things that many of the mothers that I talk to are just so phenomenal at, and one of the things that I really try to do in my life parenting my children too is leading with calm and curiosity. So asking clarifying questions wow, that's so interesting. Tell me more about that. And it's very challenging to do that when you yourself might be triggered by the particular issue that your daughter is having, and I know that the body image issue. It seems like it's pretty universal that every woman has, in some form or fashion, had some body image issues in their life. I think pretty much if you went to middle school, you probably had some issues. When you went through puberty, you had some issues. So I'm just throwing that out there, that this is universal and that as our girls grow, it's going to be universal that we all need to have these conversations with them. So, leading with calm, leading with curiosity, asking questions, finding out more and sometimes, if we as mothers are triggered by the things our daughters are going through, we're going to put off this frantic energy, we're going to be saying things that aren't necessarily helpful, and so one of the things that I found really helpful is just reflecting on challenges and then coming back to the table for a conversation when I am calm and prepared to lead with calm and curiosity and that's with any challenges that any of our kids might have throughout the years. Right, and then particular some words and phrases, particular to bodies, that I have found really helpful I'm just going to share with you.
Speaker 1:One of the words I really like to use in my family is nourishment, where I really like to ask do you feel nourished? Are you nourished? Do you feel how this particular food makes your body feel and your mind Like, how do you feel after you eat this? Are you feeling nourished? Are you feeling like you are missing something? Right? So nourishment is like a key word right now in our house. How do you feel Like asking our kids to tune into their bodies? How do you feel it's not us telling them no more snacks because you've already had two snacks. It's like, how are you feeling in your body? And maybe they'll say I'm bored, I'm thirsty, I need a hug, right. And so letting them lead and telling us how they feel in their body we don't know if they're super hungry, our kids can go through gross spurts and, you know, eat like animals, like I think we've all experienced that so really really asking them to lead with and let themselves know how they feel, but let us know how they feel too, so we can help guide them.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I've also really really like and I heard someone mention this when they were talking about, like the quote unquote sex talk with their kids, and I can't remember who to attribute this to. So sorry, but I heard someone say the quote unquote sex talk or let's you know, insert challenging topic here. So the body image talk, you know, whatever talk is not one hour long talk, it's like 130 second conversations. So over the span of years, we're having these like 30 second, one minute, two minute conversations about these possibly challenging topics, not like one big long talk and like, okay, they're all set. So for me, I really like the way that's framed, because if our kids come to us with these issues.
Speaker 1:If our daughters say something about their bodies and we're not calm and we're not curious and we just can't deal with it. There's gonna be another chance to address it next week or next month or as you start to process through, you know what you need to reflect on and what you want to really pass down, like that legacy you wanna leave for your daughters about how you feel about your body and how you want them to feel about theirs, and what role culture and consumerism has in telling us what we quote unquote should look like. And I think one of the things that's really helpful is to just look around with like openness and awareness of what messages are we as women and girls being sent, and just like becoming very, very curious about where you're seeing those messages. I think that's like a really good first step, like awareness, like pretty much everything we talk about on this podcast. So take a look around, see what you notice. It's very interesting and, honestly, like at first it can be enraging, like it's really frustrating to look around and go like, ah, the culture is so flipping backwards, like why are we being sent these messages? And so you know if you have a point where you go through this like anger, just know that you're not alone and then also know that you have a choice in what you bring into your family and what you allow to be part of the culture in your family. Like you have a choice of what you let through your earbuds and what you let through your screen and what you let through that door, and that you know everything. Everything we consume, the food, the media, all of it Like that all adds up to be the culture of our families. So I think that's something really important that we can keep in mind Is that, like we're in charge of what comes in and what goes out, and this conversation about body image is definitely a conversation that I'm going to continue to have.
Speaker 1:If you know of a women's body image expert, I would love to talk to her. So, yeah, let me know. If you have any resources, I'd love to have somebody on and interview them on the pod about this, because this is just like obviously scratching the surface. I did just want to like share my brief thoughts and a couple things I do and just maybe some wisdom that will hopefully help you and know that if you're having these challenging conversations or any of the number of challenging conversations that come up when you're raising kids. Know that you're not alone. Know that there's always a chance next time if you feel like you botched the convo. Know that sometimes the most powerful conversations are the ones that we don't even say anything and we just listen. So thanks so much for being here again. I really, really appreciate you guys. Very excited for all the upcoming interviews. Subscribe, follow, share this episode with a friend and I'll see you next week.